I've Met Tears, That Don't Cure a Thing

I couldn't see a thing. the tears were flowing cascades down my cheeks. They rolled down my neck, telling stories as they rested on my breasts. I couldn't tell you my name. I was incapable of walking, of talking, of eating, of anything that is required for survival.


Weakness came knocking on my door, and I opened for her, with a jolly smile on my face, and a plate of food, asking her to stay.

Thousands of unanswered phone calls, messages gone with no reply, a door that remained locked, and a house with no sun.

Time was nonexistent, my best attempt at it was a good night at the singing birds. To wake, to silence, to empty.

I laid on the damp bed, I hated it, I threw punches, I ripped her where I thought her heart lay, but I loved her.
I loved her because she held me, and she caught my tears, denying them to go pass her grip.
I hated her. As she swallowed me, and everything I thought I was,
I hated her because she didn't understand me, she didn't feel my pain
I attempted to hurt her again, repeatedly striking her with the wet pillows.
She simply proceeded with swallowing me

sinking

sinking

sinking

slowly

slowly

slowly

I never did wander about making it stop, I merely accepted it. This was pain. Today was here, in this bed.
Maybe if I could back to yesterday, and fix everything, if only I could bring him back, ask him how he was doing. This was it, the stillness, the quiet, the darkness would take me back to yesterday, and I could then speak to him. Why Why Why, I thought this was love
Don't you understand that life is a gift, and this is what we've been waiting for? I spoke to him in that room. I know I did.

I felt a pain so intense, I grabbed at my chest, again and again. He was there. He wanted me to understand.
I can't. I can't fucking understand and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me the most.
I, how, the fuck do I do. I rambled in his face, I just couldn't find the words. I just wanted it to go away.
I wanted to wake up, and laugh it off because everything was okay.
I pinched myself. Like I had seen in the movies. I screamed out to whoever was watching over me, I begged them to shake me,
to please scare this night time terror away. But it didn't happen. Nothing happened.

That's exactly what I felt. Nothing. Just me and tears, and pain, and sorrow, and a friend who robbed me of his laugh.
He wanted my company, and I wanted his. But our worlds were like the land and the sea. I couldn't breath, he would soon die in mines.
He slowly crawled away. So very slowly....

I tried getting up then. I fell on my knees, busted my nose, and my hands began to shake.
It felt like a movie without a script. I felt lost and didn't find relieve in anything else but those same tears.

I cried

I cried

I cried

I cried in silence, I cried as I prayed, I cried as I layed on that bed, I cried as I screamed towards heaven, I tried searching for answers in myself, but found nothing. I knew I would find nothing, until I built that inner strength, of telling myself , Get up.

I used everything I knew, everything I was, to bring myself up,
and I told myself, that I knew this was it.

I got up that day.

I got up, and I opened the door.
It wasn't easy, but it got easier.

Cry, because it is okay.
But don't let it dominate you.
Be strong, there's no other choice.

Lullaby Daddy (Let me Sing For You)

I told him, Daddy Don't you cry

believe when I say that
Everything will be alright

I fell to my knees
at the sight of his tears
lost control of myself
and wanted to fight this battle
fight along his side
Win this war

I fell, hopeless as I cradled his pain,
in the curves of my arms
I fell, useless as he fought something
I never tasted

There is no better way to help than with love,
there is no better reassurance because along
with my sister, brother, sister, brother
Daddy was given the best of weapons to fight

A reason

Making him a warrior
Making him a hero

We are your reason Daddy,
As you are ours.

Be a Part of Who I Am

See I would never be selfish enough to ask you for the world, that's not what I want from you,
the world is out there for me take into my own hands, by myself.
I'm not here to ask you to sweep me off my feet, at 150 very heavy pounds
I simply couldn't do it.

I
just want you to be my friend.

Be here when I need someone to confide in,
when the clock hits 3 AM, and my dreams and desires won't let me sleep

I want you to dream with me.
Just be that ear on the other side of the phone line.

I am complete, and I know this.
I know that I am my best friend, and that only I can make things happen for me.
I know that noone could ever know me as well as I know myself,
but why don't you give it a try?
If you can't be a part of me, why not be a part of who I am.
Allow me to share myself, with you. Allow my doors to open, and read.

I have been hurt before, and so I want you to understand when I say, I know.
I don't expect you to trust me, I don't expect you to want the same things I want,
and no, I don't want your heart. There's a healing process that doesn't work overnight,
or even months, and this I know my friend.

I am not asking you to hand yourself over to me.
I understand, but I want you to be my friend.

Am I taking desperate measures to catch your attention?
Am I asking for too much whenI ask for your friendship?
I understand one thing with love, and its that
to find those sweet candy-tasting times, we must take our chances.
To feel the cloud 9 kind of high, we must let go of the past.

I will not promise that things won't flip upside down someday,
that maybe one day we'll be in love, that maybe one day I'll be the next one to break your heart,
but I want to take that chance.

I want to take that chance at the sweet taste of your love, and your mind,
because noone knows about tomorrow, until tomorrow has come, so come sit besides me, be my companion
And know that no matter what happens, we will always be friends.