Naked

Heartbreak was my favorite song; I didn’t know how to move on

I hid myself behind my towel, ashamed of crying for a silly boy

My words were precise, my feelings expressed in a sentence too short

And deep down I knew it was essential for me to be naked

Not to be exposed, not to show off the curves on my body

But because I have a million scars that I am not ashamed of

Because I want you to see me for who I am, and where I've been

Because I got back up after being body slammed against the pavement

Because I am woman and I am strong



Love is my favorite song...and I remember the words to it now

The weak of my knees every time that you kiss me, so sweetly

The jubilant jump of my heart, when your number's on my caller ID

The small things that truly make me believe again; your smile

Knowing that the way you make me laugh is going to make it all worthwhile

You are beautiful to me, more than what I've been praying for

Sweet taste of Heaven, a friendship that I adore



I can’t believe I am falling in Love!



It’s all quite all right with me, acting silly like a schoolgirl, see?

It’s not too hard once you find the one you really want to be with

To recognize luck didn’t strike this time, it’s more like destiny

And I hope you’re more than just inspiration for my poetry…

That your love will last me for years to come;



Wrinkles and all



Because you’re the sweetest song, that’s been sung by my lips

Because I am standing here, naked before Thee

My Dedication

The day we met I knew you would be the one,
So I take it back to where it all began
A million stories and how we came to meet
Placing our current problems on the backseat
I felt myself go; falling, slowly, for you
Your hands around my waist, I knew was the cue
As your lips, came closer and closer to mines
A taste so heavenly, I felt it down my spine.
We walked hand in hand, down the crowded sidewalks
Whispering sugary portmanteaus, our sweet talk
Our finals goodbye were said as the moon waved hello
For we understood, that was it, it was the end of the show
Even though this day was a long time ago
Things have not changed, and there are some things you must know
This here is a gift; a chance for this to be more than what it is,
And I don’t wanna move too fast, but I would love to be your Ms
Because I have admired you, since day one when we met
And the things you do to me, well you know they rhyme with met.
More than a dear friend to me, you kept me up when no one noticed me falling
Reminding me that if he did not treat me right, I should go, sort of forestalling.
I want to share endless nights, laying somewhere far away, right beside you,
Fall in love with your voice, as I fall asleep, in your arms, always besides you.
You have touched another side of me; all that is left of the wall is the dusty air
For you have destroyed the barriers, and I am in love with this thing we share.
A piece of you, that was left with me a long time ago, you are my inspiration
And you know better than anyone else that this here is my dedication
Now a candle lit dinner, to the sound of Coltrane, cuz I am into that romantic shit
I’ll will be yours, if you’ll be mines, together baby boy, we’re gonna be a smash hit.

I've Met Tears, That Don't Cure a Thing

I couldn't see a thing. the tears were flowing cascades down my cheeks. They rolled down my neck, telling stories as they rested on my breasts. I couldn't tell you my name. I was incapable of walking, of talking, of eating, of anything that is required for survival.


Weakness came knocking on my door, and I opened for her, with a jolly smile on my face, and a plate of food, asking her to stay.

Thousands of unanswered phone calls, messages gone with no reply, a door that remained locked, and a house with no sun.

Time was nonexistent, my best attempt at it was a good night at the singing birds. To wake, to silence, to empty.

I laid on the damp bed, I hated it, I threw punches, I ripped her where I thought her heart lay, but I loved her.
I loved her because she held me, and she caught my tears, denying them to go pass her grip.
I hated her. As she swallowed me, and everything I thought I was,
I hated her because she didn't understand me, she didn't feel my pain
I attempted to hurt her again, repeatedly striking her with the wet pillows.
She simply proceeded with swallowing me

sinking

sinking

sinking

slowly

slowly

slowly

I never did wander about making it stop, I merely accepted it. This was pain. Today was here, in this bed.
Maybe if I could back to yesterday, and fix everything, if only I could bring him back, ask him how he was doing. This was it, the stillness, the quiet, the darkness would take me back to yesterday, and I could then speak to him. Why Why Why, I thought this was love
Don't you understand that life is a gift, and this is what we've been waiting for? I spoke to him in that room. I know I did.

I felt a pain so intense, I grabbed at my chest, again and again. He was there. He wanted me to understand.
I can't. I can't fucking understand and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me the most.
I, how, the fuck do I do. I rambled in his face, I just couldn't find the words. I just wanted it to go away.
I wanted to wake up, and laugh it off because everything was okay.
I pinched myself. Like I had seen in the movies. I screamed out to whoever was watching over me, I begged them to shake me,
to please scare this night time terror away. But it didn't happen. Nothing happened.

That's exactly what I felt. Nothing. Just me and tears, and pain, and sorrow, and a friend who robbed me of his laugh.
He wanted my company, and I wanted his. But our worlds were like the land and the sea. I couldn't breath, he would soon die in mines.
He slowly crawled away. So very slowly....

I tried getting up then. I fell on my knees, busted my nose, and my hands began to shake.
It felt like a movie without a script. I felt lost and didn't find relieve in anything else but those same tears.

I cried

I cried

I cried

I cried in silence, I cried as I prayed, I cried as I layed on that bed, I cried as I screamed towards heaven, I tried searching for answers in myself, but found nothing. I knew I would find nothing, until I built that inner strength, of telling myself , Get up.

I used everything I knew, everything I was, to bring myself up,
and I told myself, that I knew this was it.

I got up that day.

I got up, and I opened the door.
It wasn't easy, but it got easier.

Cry, because it is okay.
But don't let it dominate you.
Be strong, there's no other choice.

Lullaby Daddy (Let me Sing For You)

I told him, Daddy Don't you cry

believe when I say that
Everything will be alright

I fell to my knees
at the sight of his tears
lost control of myself
and wanted to fight this battle
fight along his side
Win this war

I fell, hopeless as I cradled his pain,
in the curves of my arms
I fell, useless as he fought something
I never tasted

There is no better way to help than with love,
there is no better reassurance because along
with my sister, brother, sister, brother
Daddy was given the best of weapons to fight

A reason

Making him a warrior
Making him a hero

We are your reason Daddy,
As you are ours.

Be a Part of Who I Am

See I would never be selfish enough to ask you for the world, that's not what I want from you,
the world is out there for me take into my own hands, by myself.
I'm not here to ask you to sweep me off my feet, at 150 very heavy pounds
I simply couldn't do it.

I
just want you to be my friend.

Be here when I need someone to confide in,
when the clock hits 3 AM, and my dreams and desires won't let me sleep

I want you to dream with me.
Just be that ear on the other side of the phone line.

I am complete, and I know this.
I know that I am my best friend, and that only I can make things happen for me.
I know that noone could ever know me as well as I know myself,
but why don't you give it a try?
If you can't be a part of me, why not be a part of who I am.
Allow me to share myself, with you. Allow my doors to open, and read.

I have been hurt before, and so I want you to understand when I say, I know.
I don't expect you to trust me, I don't expect you to want the same things I want,
and no, I don't want your heart. There's a healing process that doesn't work overnight,
or even months, and this I know my friend.

I am not asking you to hand yourself over to me.
I understand, but I want you to be my friend.

Am I taking desperate measures to catch your attention?
Am I asking for too much whenI ask for your friendship?
I understand one thing with love, and its that
to find those sweet candy-tasting times, we must take our chances.
To feel the cloud 9 kind of high, we must let go of the past.

I will not promise that things won't flip upside down someday,
that maybe one day we'll be in love, that maybe one day I'll be the next one to break your heart,
but I want to take that chance.

I want to take that chance at the sweet taste of your love, and your mind,
because noone knows about tomorrow, until tomorrow has come, so come sit besides me, be my companion
And know that no matter what happens, we will always be friends.

Note on Love (of course)

Original date: Sat Aug. 21, 2010

For a while, too long of a while I lost site of what it felt to like someone.
And during that long while I also forgot everything I deserved as a person.
I am very self concious. I wake up on some days, and feel as though,
everything that hasn't gone right in my life, is my fault.
What did I do wrong here? What did I do wrong there?
Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place? Maybe I'm meant to fuck up?
Like him, and her, and them.

And all it took was a simple reminder today. A simple reminder.
A simple reminder of genuinely liking someone to understand it all, once again.
To understand such a simple concept, that has been lost for far too long.
Spending time. Enjoying someone else's company.
Someone who can make you laugh, and give you butterflies.
Someone who you can sit and tell stories, you don't tell anyone else.
Someone who enjoys your attention, and your company
And not just sit with you for a couple of hours in hopes to get in your pants right after.

And don't get me wrong, I am definately not a mind reader.
And I am not an expert at reading guys.
Who knows, the whole time he looked me in the eyes
he could've been trying to picture me naked, staring up at him.
But my point is, that I felt something I haven't felt in a while.
In a long while.

I have felt so hopeless sometimes
that I go on dates with guys who I am not even attracted to.
And yes, I know I am young, I'm looking at this all wrong.
But it is human nature to want attention from the opposite sex.
It is human nature to want to give, and receive nurture.
I simply, had noone to give or receive.
Therefore, settled for less.
Settled for no butterflies,
for fake laughs
and no peace
inside.

Today doors opened for me.
These doors were covered in cobwebs, and dirt.
Much more than a simply paper towel could handle.
I felt something I felt before, something that I thought
could only be felt once, and thought it was limited to childhood.

It's not about finding a perfect person you know.
It's not about finding someone who fits your hand like a glove.
It's not finding someone who is like you.

It's finding someone who enjoys you, as much as you enjoy them.
Someone who sees you as beaufitul, right after you wake up.
Before the showers, before the make-up, before the expensive clothes.
Someone who loves you, before they have been in bed with you.
And yes, I learned, no sex before tying the knot,
is like buying a toy, without trying it out.
But I'm only referring to dating at the moment.

Sometimes people get really lucky, and meet their soul mates.
There will be no question, anywhere in your mind when you meet him/her.
But your soul mate, isn't always your one.
Sometimes your soul mate comes in, and comes out, the same way.
Maybe for a long period of time, sometimes, we're not so lucky.

We take this, and be smart about it.
We take what we learned, and we put it to play.

For those who have been in love once,
and don't know how the Hell, youre gonna get up.
It'll come along, trust me ;)

Be patient.

And for my wonderful companion of the day,
You gave me butterflies, today couldn't have been anymore perfect.
Thank you so much xoxoxo
(inspiration, from "Juno" the movie, and "Eat Pray Love" the book, and of course, my date)

Love without Boobs

She cried herself to sleep that night, but who would understand
Could you look her in the eyes, would you somehow just, begin?
Underneath her sundress, same dress she wore that morning.
There they sat, innocent, oblivious. It came with no warning.

The tears dwelled in her eyes, as she regretted her every wish,
It seemed to her like nothing but an experiment in a Petri dish.
Mom says tomorrow, it will be alright, but her scars, say otherwise
A curse handed down; a million lies, used as their disguise.

She thought back to last week, Aaron stared at her from across the room
She felt herself growing weak, he'll be asking for my number real soon.
She turned away, but wasn't mistaken as she saw his figure from the corner of her eye
A million thoughts rushed through her head that day; felt something between her thighs.

Less than twenty minutes later, that same girl sat in the girls restroom stall,
She cried asking God to please make it all go away. She was his thrall.
It didn’t take long, no, no. God granted her wish, he did the best that he could.
The nightmare began here; down on her knees wishing she somehow misunderstood.

Mammograms on day one, an ultrasound the next, a CT scan here, PET scan to be sure
The minutes went by ever so slowly, crawling and biting at her skin, everything a blur.
The word mastectomy rang in her head like the bells of a church, the hour has struck
They spoke to mama, about therapy, about time, about love, who gives a fuck!

Maybe I should’ve told Aaron, I am a proud owner of a DD, taking a look down
My nipples sort of remind me of your puppies’ nose; small, and brown.
Did you want to touch them, here and now? We could take a quick break from class
Like I told you, I am proud… I am happy…of them, my breasts, before they were broken like glass